Infinite members dating
I didn’t want anything serious, but nor was I particularly interested in one-off incidences, which have all through my life struck me as slightly melancholy.
It makes me sad to be close to someone I’m attracted to only once, to have so brief an insight into what their particular intimacy feels like.
That was the logical end point of the manic need to be desired which has plagued me since I was a teenager; I wanted everyone to be in love with me, not just the people I myself was in love with.
You can filter Ok Cupid to omit the straight guys which was helpful when I grew tired of a dozen messages a day from guys saying “Ur fit lol” and then having a tantrum when I didn’t reply.
It was the first time I had ever dated more than one person consistently.
In the past, insecurities had demanded that the various objects of my affections were devoted only to me, could never be with anyone else.
Some of them were straightforward hook-ups, some the more classic dinner-and-drinks set up.
Quite a few were one-half of an open relationship which, it turned out, was sort of perfect for me.
It’s not an abstract state I aspire to inhabit any more.